But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
