Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
grandma shit on top of the toilet
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
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