The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
