I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
