One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Randomize
