True but thats because hes a fetus.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
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Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
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Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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