I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
