He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
