K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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