he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
