Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
