Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
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