I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Randomize
