Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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