At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
