Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
