found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Randomize
