But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize