You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Randomize
