next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
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i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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