Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
we made out on top of his cat.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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