i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
