i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
