I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
