5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
my poor anus
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
