she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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