Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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