Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
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