I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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