Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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