I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
