We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
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