Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
