Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
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