Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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