Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
