Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
