Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
