i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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