i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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