Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
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