epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
