Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
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