hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
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PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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