it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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