He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
