Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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