did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
