My hand turned me down
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
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