that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
