My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Randomize
