i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
