I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
