I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
My penis needs a shock collar
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
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