If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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