So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
