the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Randomize
