Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
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Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
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Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities