Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright