Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
