Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
29 Frat Parties That Got Way Too Out Of Control
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.