so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
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