Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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