Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
This baby is an asshole
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Randomize
