So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
