I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
