remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
