you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
why do cheetos always look like penises
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
