i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
