Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
