I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Randomize
