so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
