Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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