Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
