Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
