I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
