it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
