Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
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