come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize