Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
