NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I just found a bag of teeth...
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Randomize
