meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
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