I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
