you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
