I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Have you finally orgasmed yet?
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Randomize
