I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
