"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
