I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
he quoted the bible to break up with me
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Randomize
